55 million and counting...

55 million. That is the number of babies that have died due to abortions in this country since it became legal 40 years ago.  Many are celebrating the upcoming 40th anniversary of Roe v. Wade, which made abortion legal in all 50 states at any point in a pregnancy, up to and including the atrocity of partial birth abortion.  55 million deaths should not be celebrated, especially when that number continues to grow daily. 

55 million babies.  That is a horrific number.  Especially when you consider how they died.  It is a brutal, violent death, not at all the simple procedure that women are told it is. The statistics are staggering. 50% of African-American pregnancies end in abortion.  76% of women who have abortions are Christian.  Last year alone, by their own published numbers, Planned Parenthood performed over 333,000 abortions. Half a BILLION federal dollars went to Planned Parenthood last year.  Why is the government handing over even a single dollar to an organization involved in the killing of its smallest and most innocent citizens?

The Newtown, CT shooting massacre of 20 school children and 6 adults shocked and saddened the nation, as it absolutely should, but yet we don't even acknowledge that approximately 1,000 other babies even more helpless were violently killed by abortions that very same day, and every day since.  Just because they died behind closed doors at the hands of a medical doctor rather than at the hands of a crazy man with a gun doesn't make them any less valuable or the situation any less tragic.  How have we as a country become so desensitized as to think this is acceptable and not even newsworthy, except as a political talking point?  

Last night, my son and I went and listened to a speaker, Abby Johnson, who spent 8 years working at the largest Planned Parenthood clinic in the country.  She had two abortions of her own, one surgical and one chemical.  The second one nearly killed her because of complications.  She worked her way up to being the director there and was even named employee of the year in 2008.   She loved her job and felt like she was really helping women solve the problem of unplanned pregnancies.  Then it all changed.  She was asked to assist with an ultrasound-guided abortion, which is not normally how it is done.  What she saw happening on that screen changed her life.  Those "problems" that she was helping to solve were babies that were alive and struggling to live up until the very last second of their young lives.  Not only did she quit her job at Planned Parenthood shortly after this experience, she is now an outspoken pro-life advocate and speaker.  The things that she described having seen and done while she worked there are stomach-turning and heart-breaking.  I already knew much of what she told us, but my son was very disturbed to hear the details of what happens during an abortion, as anyone should be. Abby has written a book, UnPlanned, about her journey from being pro-choice to pro-life. Having been on both sides of the issue and having friends on both sides of the issue, she has had personal experiences with abortion and worked both as director of the largest abortion clinic in the country and now for prominent pro-life organizations.  If anyone is qualified to give an opinion on this topic, it's her. It is an amazing story that only God could have orchestrated and I hope it is the next book you read.  

She was very blunt (and dead-on) on several points. Abortion continues in this country at the rate it does because of apathy on the part of the church and Christian community.  Prayer is good, but it isn't enough - we all need to get some skin in the game if we are going to give these women other options than killing their babies.  Silence from churches is the same as both subtly condoning abortion and silently condemning everyone who is suffering in silence - neither of these is right. Churches need to take a stand for life and let women know that they are willing to do whatever it takes to help them choose life and also to help those women who have been through the trauma of abortion and are living with guilt.  There are literally too many lives at stake to sit back and do nothing.  

There are many resources for women experiencing an unplanned pregnancy, but they need more help to be able to reach all women at risk for abortions, not just some.  I really believe that there would be a dramatic drop in abortions if this would happen.  This has always been on my to-do list of things to be involved in when I have more time, but after hearing what I did last night, I realize that this is something that cannot wait. It's not going to be easy, but matters of life and death never are.  I don't know how it's all going to fall into place yet, but God is calling and if I've learned anything in life so far, it's that when He calls, I need to answer.  He has always been faithful when I have stepped out in faith, so I'm trusting Him to do it again.  Will you join me in being a voice for those who can't speak for themselves?  At the very least, please pray for a renewed view in our country that all life is valuable and worthy of protection so that abortion as it is today can become just a sad and distant memory in history, rather than an anniversary to be celebrated.

Luke's Day - 10 years

This has been a rough one, as far as anniversaries go - crying in the shower is not the way I usually start the day.  One would think that as time passes, they would get easier, and some years it has been.  I don't know why this 10 year milestone of Luke's leaving us is so different.  Maybe because I can't believe it has been so long.  Maybe because my kids were so little when it all happened and they don't really remember him, which leads to questions, which leads to really having to think about what happened that day and what led up to it.  Maybe because 10 years has gone so fast.  Whatever the reason, this date will always hurt.  There will always be regrets and questions. 

Knowing that I will get to see him again someday helps, but not completely, because someday still seems a long way off.  MercyMe wrote a song that I heard 10 years ago today for the very first time, which could only have been a God thing.  It's called "I Can Only Imagine" and it still can bring me to tears when I hear it because I automatically think of Luke.  The lyrics are as follows:

I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk
By your side

I can only imagine
What my eyes will see
When your face
Is before me

[Chorus:]
Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for you Jesus or in awe of you be still
Will I stand in your presence or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all

I can only imagine
When that day comes
And I find myself
Standing in the Son

I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever
Forever worship You

I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever, forever worship you 

So, today, I will take comfort in the fact that Luke doesn't have to imagine what heaven is like; he gets to experience it instead, as will we when our time comes to join him, whenever that might be. How can that possibly be a sad thing?  Until then, we'll continue to miss him and mark these anniversaries, but when all is said and done, this separation is short in the scope of eternity and what a reunion it will be when we finally do get to see him again.

Focus needed

Focus.  I need to have more of it.  It seems that I spend (waste!) a lot of time and energy because I lack clear focus.  Part of this is self-inflicted due to my tendency to procrastinate sometimes, but a larger part of it is just feeling so overwhelmed by all that needs to get done that I can't decide where to start and so everything ends up getting done in a flurry of panic-stricken mania rather than steadily at a manageable pace. 

Take for example, meals.  One would think after all this time, I would have this one down pat.  Wrong!  For breakfast everyone is on their own since we all get up at different times and not everyone is hungry at the same time, lunch is leftovers from the previous night or something quick and easy (pre-packaged), and then my intention is to actually cook a meal for dinner.  However, I tend to think about dinner about 30 minutes before we are actually supposed to be out the door to a game or practice or church or...you get the picture.  So this leaves me throwing together something quick (which usually means we will be late to wherever we are supposed to be) or driving through somewhere before or after activitie, which is unhealthy and expensive.  Since one of my resolutions this year is to cook and eat healthier, I am going to need to be focused on planning meals ahead of time and focused on time management so that I allow enough time to actually follow through on that planning.  Which leads to example number two: time management.

I am responsible for a lot of different things every day.  Some only take a few minutes (answering emails) and some take considerably longer (grading papers or driving to activities).  I have to manage (at this moment in time) the schedules of the 5 different basketball teams and 4 different practice schedules that all three kids are involved in.  I am the team mom for two teams, I teach three writing classes, and I am involved in two different homeschool groups.  We volunteer once or twice a month, are involved at church, and have a regular Bible study with friends and I attend a weekly women's Bibe study.  Plus there is schoolwork and housework that needs to get done and weekly piano lessons.   The most valuable item I own is my dayplanner because truly without it all would be lost.  To say that I need focus to keep everything going is an understatement!

The problem that I am trying to overcome is my tendency to split my focus into too many directions.  This results in grading getting spread over several days, leaving late for driving to activities because I just need to finish this email that I forgot I needed to send out, and then starting my Bible study only to realize that tomorrow is class day that I'm not ready for, and we are out of milk, and no one took out the dog because we left in such a rush earlier...and so on and so forth.  I need to focus on time management so that everything fits into a schedule where I can start and complete things one at a time within reasonable time frames that don't leave me running around like a crazy woman.

So the rest of this week, I am working on a time management plan to try when we start up school again on Monday.  I'm hoping by working on this one thing, other issues will also resolve themselves (see meal situation above).  So, if you would, please say a little prayer for wisdom for me as I try and sort it all out, and pray for me to be able to focus on the new changes long enough to come up with a workable system.

2013...and so begins another year

How is it possible that another year has gone by?  I guess it slips by one day at a time just as it always has, but the days seem to be busier and fuller every year which makes them seem a blur sometimes.  This time of year always makes me nostalgic for many reasons.  The memories of people no longer with us that make this time of year bittersweet for me are also good motivation to appreciate each day I am given and the people I spend my days with because we just never know what the next year will bring.

It's a little sad to me that time goes by so quickly and there is no way to slow it down - my kids are now closer to being adults than little kids and it happened in what feels like a blink of the eye.  It didn't feel like it at the time, but looking back, it has gone so, so very quickly, and while I love this stage and seeing who they are becoming, I do miss those younger days when it felt like they were going to stay little forever.  I guess the best I can do is to make a conscious effort to enjoy the little things and savor each day with them.  This will be one of my biggest challenges in the busyness that makes up our every day lives.

I don't usually do the New Year's resolution thing, but this year I actually did make a list - a written list, no less.  I won't bore you with putting it all here, but there were many specific things having to do with making God and others a priority, using my time as wisely as possible, and learning/becoming more healthy in our lifestyle choices.  Basically being a good steward of all the blessings God has given me.  I'm quite sure not all of these will be successful, but at least I feel like I will be headed in the direction I'm supposed to go if I am at least trying to accomplish them.  It's not going to be easy, especially in the areas where my family isn't necessarily on the same page with me...I'm praying about how to handle that when it creates issues, as it already has and probably will again.  One in particular I am expecting to be a challenge to many of my plans, which just means God will have His work cut out for Him if He wants me to actually accomplish them. As much as I want to follow my convictions, I also have to live with these people and show them respect and honor, so I am going to need lots of wisdom to know what to do when the conflicts arise.

I think this year is going to stretch me more than last year.  Last year was a year of reading and learning, feeling convicted and conflicted, and having my eyes opened to a lot of things I hadn't really thought about before.  I want this year to be a year of action.  Not that learning isn't important or that I will stop learning, but there comes a point where one realizes that all that information can only really be useful if you do something with it.  God has provided many small opportunities to do so the last couple of months, but I feel like there's something bigger ahead - I just don't know what it is yet.  This year is where the rubber hits the road - that whole faith without action is dead thing.  So I'm baby-stepping out in faith and we'll see where God leads me.  Prayers are appreciated!

Last, but certainly not least, on this New Year's Day, I need to mention that it is my dear husband's 48th birthday today.  He's not big on birthdays so it's been a pretty low-key day, what with being out until after 1 a.m. last night and then him not feeling well most of the day from all the food he ate last night that we are not accustomed to eating on a regular basis and certainly not in the quantities he had (taco dip and chips, homemade corn dogs - super good, but greasy and we almost never eat hot dogs, hamburgers, ham, homemade ice cream - really rich, brownies and then spicy grilled chicken wings and Slovakian cheesecake at the second party) - you can kind of see why he might be paying for it today a little.  We are actually doing his traditional birthday meals tomorrow (Pizza Hut pizza for lunch and enchiladas for dinner with an ice cream cake for dessert, just in case you were wondering) when he will actually be able to eat and enjoy them.  So, happy birthday to him, and here's to many more!

How to remodel your bathroom

Having just finished with this very project less than a week ago and thinking back on the experience, I wanted to share some tips to help you should you find yourself taking on a bathroom remodel (which, just so you know, is probably the most difficult room we could possibly pick to start with).  We completely gutted it and then redid it from scratch and here is what we learned:

Scheduling:  There is no good time to do a project like this. You will not have use of the bathroom for about 2 weeks and that just doesn't fit into anyone's ideal schedule.  Ever.  Therefore, spend at least 6 months to a year beforehand talking about it to the point that your spouse is so sick of hearing about it that he doesn't think twice about agreeing when you propose that this is a good time to get started (ok, so maybe it's possible that he did question if I really wanted to do this more than once, but he did finally give in to my insistence, so the end result is the same) because, you know, we just got back from a two week vacation and we have company coming in a month, so there won't be any procrastination. It's the perfect time.  Plus, it should only take a few days...which brings me to my next tip.  Estimate how much time you think it will take.  Double it.  Just trust me on this - several steps involve drying time, people - don't forget the dry time.  For an extra element of suspense and adventure, start during a time when you have PMS and cramps.  What better combination for success could there be?

Cost:  Estimate how much this little adventure will cost by going to every home improvement store in a 30 mile radius and compare the costs and style of everything you will need - tub, toilet, vanity.  Get home and realize you forgot to look at faucets.  Make another trip.  Realize you forgot about showerheads and mirrors.  Spend two or three days and a tank of gas estimating the cost of your project. Then double it. Decide you really don't like the vanities offered and decide to make your own custom one because seriously, it's got to cost less than the premade ones. Spend another day going to furniture store outlets trying to figure out what you do want.  Change your mind about everything you've decided prior to this and decide to just buy as needed for each stage of the project. Plus it hurts less to pay a little at a time as opposed to a huge amount all at once.  Add extra for the unexpected cost of tools (see below).

Supplies:  You will need specific tools for some parts of the remodel, like taking the tub in and out.  You won't have the tool you need.  Borrow one from your neighbor, but understand there is a 50/50 chance that it will also not be the right one and that you will have to go buy it anyway.  Do not assume that everything comes with all items needed for installation.  Most do not.  Do not attempt to follow the included diagrams or directions - they might as well be written in another language.  After an hour of frustration, take half assembled faucet assembly to the home improvement store 10 minutes before they close but after the department manager has gone home and let the assistant manager show you how easy it really is, so you feel like an idiot (especially since your husband wanted to try that and you told him it absolutely wouldn't work if he did).  Throw away all the extra parts that are included just to confuse you more even though you don't actually need them.  Call around to tool rental places, but realize that the money you thought you saved by making the vanity is now going to be spent on new necessities such as wet saws and chipping blades.  Beware of cheap mirrors - they may have a pretty frame, but you may end up with funhouse style mirrors that will have to be returned after your kids invite their friends over to see how funny they look in them.  Remember, real glass is good!

Labor:  This seems self-evident since it is a "do-it-yourself" project that this means you and the spouse, but don't underestimate two things: your children and the people that work at the home improvement stores.  The children (depending on their ages of course) you can use for actual labor, running back and forth with the tile that is a little too big and has to be cut again because you measured wrong the first time, or bringing you cups of ice water to drink, or as the photographer taking pictures of every step to document the entire project, or as the lucky one who gets to hand you hundreds of tile spacers (which according to my children is, and I quote, "the most boring job EVER!".)  The home improvement people won't actually come to work for you BUT they can save you a lot of time and frustration by answering questions (or add to them, depending on who you are talking to - honestly, it could go either way).  However, once you find your go-to guy at the home improvement store, introduce yourself as his new best friend and let him know you will be seeing alot of him.  Multiple times a day.  Every. Single. Day.

And there you have it.  I have to say there were several moments where I was more than a little nervous about how it was all going to turn out.  But I am pretty proud of ourselves, as it actually turned out looking pretty good.  We made lots of mistakes and learned mostly by trial and error, but now we know for next time.  There is a master bathroom just calling out for help and now I feel confident that we can answer that call - just not today.

7 Challenge this week: Possessions

The challenge this week is to give away possessions that we don't need.  I thought this one was going to be hard because twice a year my husband goes through the house and clears out anything not being used and has a garage sale.  Every time I tell him there isn't going to be enough stuff to sell, and every single time I'm wrong.  Where it all comes from, I have NO IDEA!!  He did this just a couple of months ago though, so I figured it was going to be tough to come up with my goal of 7 items a day from 7 different areas of the house: office/schoolroom, three bedrooms, kitchen, closets and garage.

Turns out - not so much.  Part of it is that I'm clearing out the less obvious stuff (books/curriculum) that I usually pass over, but the bigger part is that I'm not so hung up on hanging onto something that I *may* need later. I also have particular people in mind for some of these things, which makes it easier to give away something I might otherwise keep.  Since starting these challenges, my perspective on what is enough has definitely evolved and I am beginning to suspect it will continue to evolve. 

I went to homeschool convention this past weekend (another post on that later) and came home with almost nothing compared to past years.  Not that I didn't buy anything, but I found I thought much more about whether each thing was really necessary.  And yes, I still bought a few "wants" but they were selected much more thoughtfully and were fewer in quantity and dollars than they would have been a few months ago.  Honestly,  I was way more excited about the child we chose to sponsor through Compassion International than I was about any of the books or curriculum I bought.

So, once again, so far I'm not learning what I thought I would, but that's okay.  What I am learning will stick with me long after this week is over - at least that's my prayer.  Plus hopefully all this "stuff" we don't need will bring blessing to someone who really does need it and that's what this week is all about.

Week 2: 7 items of clothing

I'm thinking this one will be way easier than the food fast.  But first I have to pick my 7 items (one of which is a pair of shoes) that I will be wearing for the next week, starting tomorrow.  I really have to think through what I have coming up - I'd hate to show up at some special event underdressed because I didn't plan ahead.  Ha!  Like I ever attend any event that is overly formal, but still...it's a tougher decision than one might think when you are limited to a certain number.

I counted all the clothing items in my closet - 137 and 12 pairs of shoes.  I probably wear a third of them on a regular basis.  So, why do I still have the rest?  So my closet looks full?  Who sees it except our family?  It's somewhat ironic that I've accumlated even this many clothes because I HATE shopping with a passion.  My kids have to be practically busting out of their clothes before I will break down and spend an afternoon clothes shopping.  This happens about twice a year and I dread it.  But yet...I always find something I "need" and I have no problem buying cute stuff for the girls just because it's cute, not because they need it (Nathan has inherited the anti-shopping gene - he tells me his size and I bring stuff home - t-shirts and athletic shorts and he's good).  And even shopping at the discount stores, it easily adds up to a couple hundred dollars (or more) each time.  I realize that compared to some, that is a pretty small amount for clothes, but the point is, if we just bought what we NEEDED, would it make a difference?  Something to ponder this week...